Shell Scripting

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http://www.linuxquestions.org – I need a utility which will scan in a text file and search and replace strings. I also want to keep track of how many strings I've replaced. The following is an example paragraph and which text to replace. "Bill Gates" with "Mr. Noodles", "Gates" with "Noodles", "Paul Allen" or "Allen" as "The Other Guy", "Altair" as "WTF", "Apple" as "The Prodigal Son", "Tandy" as "Who?" and "Microsoft" as "Blue Screen (HowTos)